Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
