Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
