So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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