Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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