im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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