Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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