garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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