i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
