I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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