I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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