explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
