I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
There's a naked man in my car right now.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
