Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
