you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
