you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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