Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Randomize
