i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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