Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
