It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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