I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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