Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
