bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
