Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
