I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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