Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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