because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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