you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
