Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
