I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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