I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
