I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Come on in and take your pants off
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