Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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