we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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