soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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