Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
