I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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