I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
