I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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