weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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