you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
