It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
