Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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