I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
We had to coat check the pizza.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
