I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
