He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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