OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
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