i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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