Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
