Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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