Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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