used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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