I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
