Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
