He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
