Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
