2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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