I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
