I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
