dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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