...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
