'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
someone owes me an orgasm
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
