How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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