garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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