1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Im part way to drunk.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
