thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
