remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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