You can't motorboat a personality
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just had sex on a roof
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
