you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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