He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize