Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
