I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
