What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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