OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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