I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Sober January is a disaster.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
