wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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