Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
