Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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