Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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