I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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