By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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