I feel great
I just peed on a car
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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