life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
