when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize