3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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