now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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