he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
