I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
