Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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