Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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