dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
