I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize