Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
