Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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