new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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