is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize