I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
