Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I supernannyed him into submission
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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