im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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